March 15, 2015
It’s 2am and Cali just fell asleep after vomiting all night. Obviously she was chewing the wrong toy at co-op on Friday. You gotta love church nurseries.
Theo has done really well these first 15 days of Phase 4. His counts have been stable and he has stayed on track with all of his medicines. He is now done both his doses of PEG (the allergic reaction drug) and he is done all three of his doses of DOX (the heart weakening drug.) He takes several medicines at home but he has two weeks off from IV medicines. He is such a trooper.
I, on the other hand, am a mess. I have cried every day for two weeks. I suppose that is normal in these circumstances, but let’s be honest, I’m a little out of touch with normal these days.
If you’re in the mood for stories, here you go…
Normally it is my personal rule to avoid Walmart after 10am on any given day. However life is a little crazy right now so I found myself at Walmart on a very crowded Friday night. With my cart packed to the max I stood in line behind a man who was shopping with his wife and daughter. His cart was just as full as mine. As the cashier announced a grand total of $245, he quietly handed her back two packaged steaks. He looked at his wife, and she quietly shook her head as she re-counted the handful of bills in her hand. The man started looking for something else to put back when I popped in and said, “How short are you? I have a ten in my wallet.”
I handed him the $10 before he could answer and then buried my head in my cart as to spare him any more embarrassment. When I emerged from my cart he handed me change and said the most sincere thank you. I looked at him and said, “People have helped us so much this year, I know exactly how you feel.”
It was all I could do to keep myself from breaking down and crying on this man’s shoulder. He had no idea that my lousy $10 was nothing in comparison to the help we have received these past five months. I cried myself all the way home that day, broken with gratitude.
A few days later we were on our way to the orthodontist. I really like the office manager there and I always look forward to talking with her. We haven’t been there since August, so she had no idea what was going on with Theo. We ended up talking and I handed her our prayer card. She asked me, “Was this a holiday picture?”
I said, “No, our son is sick so we made up these prayer cards to give to people.”
The woman sitting next to her, who I do not know, said quietly, “We go to Calvary. We have been praying for Theo.”
Cue the tears. I sobbed right there at the counter. I tried to make a joke about how I shouldn’t be allowed in public, and then sat down and waited for people to stop staring at me. I never really got it together. I was overwhelmed to know that strangers were praying for Theo. Again, I cried myself all the way home, broken with gratitude.
The next day one of our daughters came to me crying saying she didn’t want to go to co-op. She said it was too hard to go without me. I called two other kids over and they started crying too, sharing their thoughts. For the first time in a long time, I had nothing to say, so I started crying. I cried so hard I think I startled them, and then one kid started laughing. Ah, kids.
A Phone Call…
The next day I got a phone call. It was a woman who had lost her 3 year old son to Leukemia. She was now running her own non-profit organization and wanted to invite us to a Sixers game. It was very special to talk with her, but I hung up and started crying. I was so sad that her son had died. I was so thankful that our son was still alive. Poor Scott, he is always trying to keep up with me and my emotions, so he made a joke and then tried to figure out why I was crying. I cried and cried, broken with gratitude.
I was journaling yesterday and at the end of the page I tearfully wrote, “This has been a very hard journey, but Your companionship is well worth it.”
Hopefully I’ll get it together soon, but in the meantime I know that God is with me, all the time.
“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.”