Hills and Valleys

July 23, 2017

I am well aware of my age.  I am well aware of all that my body has been through during the last 15 years of motherhood.  I am well aware of the statistics of increased instance of Down Syndrome and other chromosomal differences in children born to women 40 and older.  But at this point in my life, I can’t imagine looking into the face of God Almighty and saying, “No thank you.  No, we don’t want any more children, but thanks.”  And so, Scott and I, hand in hand, live on into our forties.

Living with teenage daughters is awesome.  Some things are a little tricky though, like sneaking pregnancy tests into the house.  So it’s quite a rush when I hide my box, wait for a quiet moment, and discover what I already know to be true.  Back in April was such a night, and with my positive test hidden under my old t-shirts, I was racking my brain on how to tell Scott.  It’s one of my favorite moments.  I could recount for you every. single. time. I’ve told Scott that I was expecting.  But at this point it was midnight, Troy was asleep on my chest, and I was waiting for Scott to come to bed.  I had the biggest smile on my face, but I was trying to hide my news until the morning when I could be more creative.  Scott climbed into bed, rolled over and said, “Are you alright?”

Forget creative.  With the moonlight shining in our window, Troy’s heart beating against mine, I whispered, “I’m pregnant!”

With a big smile Scott simply said, “Congratulations.”

A baby is a gift in any form for any amount of time.  Just knowing we were expecting was an exciting joy all on its own.  We had decided to announce after our first ultrasound, so I did my best to suck it in and act normal (ha).

Several weeks went by and the day of my ultrasound had arrived.  Before I left for my ultrasound, I sat in my prayer closet to pray for me, our baby and my doctor.  Strangely, I prayed, “Please give me courage.”

I’ll be honest, sometimes I hate my prayer closet.  Sometimes it freaks me out. I didn’t quite know at that moment, but I drove all the way to the doctor’s thinking, “Why would I need courage?”

The scriptures tell us the Holy Spirit prays on our behalf.  Romans 8:26

It’s always fun to walk into my OBGYN’s office.   I’ve been friends with this staff for 10 years.  It’s almost like Norm walking into the Cheers bar (but not).  I was excited to see everyone and excited to boast of our new baby.  But back in the exam room as I talked with my doctor I couldn’t quite shake my dark thoughts.  We settled in to see the ultrasound monitor and I was the first to say it out loud.

“There’s no heartbeat.”

Silence.

The doctor scrambled and pushed some buttons.  He turned on the sound waves at the bottom of the screen.

“There’s no sound waves.  Are there any sound waves?”

Would someone please say something?

He confirmed, “No, I am so sorry, there aren’t any sound waves.”

The three of us just sat there, the doctor, the nurse and I, staring at my still little baby.  It felt like an eternity of silence.  He was so peaceful, but not in a good way.  I started crying.  Crying and crying and crying.

I am so grateful for all that God has given me.  I love my husband, I love our kids, I love our home.  It’s not that I need anything or anyone more.  It’s just that at this point in life I can’t bring myself to say, “No thank you.”

I lost a baby that week.  We lost a baby that week.

Scott and I continue to trust the Lord with our health, our minds, our family and our finances.  We will wait and see what His will is for our future.  Until then, there’s plenty around here to keep us busy.

Matthew 18

 5And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.

Hills and Valleys by Tauren Wells

 

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October Fun

November 5, 2015

We have now gone 29 days without visiting CHOP. That’s the longest we’ve gone in one year. I have been so busy enjoying life that I haven’t taken the time to blog. Thank God for his mercies.

Here’s what we’ve been up to…

A Surprise Party
Pop celebrated a milestone birthday this month and we really wanted to plan something special. The timing was perfect for a surprise party. Scott and the older girls were going away on a youth retreat and I was still in my 1st trimester blur. No one in our family expected much out of me, other than just plain survival. We had already invited Grandmom and Pop over for dinner after the retreat, but what they didn’t know is that we also invited 8 of Pop’s friends. It was a joy to see each friend arrive and it was rewarding to see the look on Grandmom and Pop’s faces. Happy Birthday Pop!
Blog_Party

A Special Visit
One of the many things I treasure about my friends is how they always push me to use homeschool time to serve others. My calendar looks nothing like theirs, but one thing we have penned on our family calendar is a quarterly visit to a nursing home. The theme for this visit was Halloween so the kids dressed up and we were on our way. Every time I go I imagine myself sitting in that chair, and I pray that one day someone will visit me.

(this is an old school picture of my grandmother)
Blog-Grammy

Halloween
Um, yes, we celebrate Halloween. I think it’s fun. I like to see the kids dress up. I like candy. I like to talk with our neighbors (it’s one of the only days they come out of their houses). This year we invited dear friends over for dinner and trick-or-treating. It was a blast.

Blog-Halloween

Happy October

1 Corinthians 10:31
So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.

One More Thing…

Baby9b
October 4, 2015

Scott tells me it’s time to share our good news (maybe because my pants won’t button anymore). We are so excited to tell you that we are expecting a new baby. Our ultrasound shows one healthy baby due in April 2016. We are thrilled!  We can’t wait to meet our little one.

Psalm 127:3-5
3 Children are a gift from the Lord;
they are a reward from him.
4 Children born to a young man
are like arrows in a warrior’s hands.
5 How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them!
He will not be put to shame when he confronts his accusers at the city gates.